Think Love, Think Insanity
by xXxCyanidexKissesxXx
Summary: Kagome has always been in love with Inuyasha, but when her parents decide she's to be married to Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's older brother, Kagome must make a decision that will change her life- and her heart forever. KikyoXInuXKagXSess *Moulin Rouge!*
1. Moving On

**Freshman Year**

"Inuyasha, don't go." I whisper, staring at my hands. Tears come to my eyes every time i think of him going to her.

"C'mon Kagz, don't be like that." He pats my shoulder and that makes it all the worse. Is he ignoring my feelings or is he just that oblivious? My teeth clench together and i hide my face behind my hair. I want to scream at him, to yell sense into that thick skull of his. "Kagome." He reaches out to touch my face, i knock his hand away.

"Don't. Please. Inuyasha I-" I sigh and shake my head, trying to rid myself of the clump that's building up in my throat.

"Kagome?"

"Look... If you go- i don't- i can't see you anymore."

"What are you talking about?... Kagome?" He reaches out and touches my cheek, forcing me to look up at him. Tears spill out from the corners of my eyes.

"I love you... If you do this- if you go to her-" I can't speak.

"You love me." I nod, more tears streaking my cheeks. He kisses my forehead gently, hope swells up in my chest, then he lets go and turns to walk away.

"Inuyasha!" I grab his hand. "Don't." He pulls away from gently, unable to turn and face me.

"I'm sorry. I hope- I hope one day you'll forgive me." A small cry escapes my throat and i stumble back.

"You're leaving."

"I love her."

"I won't forgive you."

"That's a choice you'll have to make. I'm sorry Kagome." Then he's gone and i'm left with a pounding head and a bleeding heart- a bleeding heart that's draining itself dry.

*-*

**Senior Graduation**

We're all meeting under the tree, we're all saying goodbye. The first time i'll have seen Inuyasha since that day- that day so long ago. I close my eyes and push the fleeting feelings away from my chest. It's my graduation day, i don't have time to think about the past, just the future- the wonderful, amazing, Inuyasha-free future.

"Kagome?" I turn and to face Sango, she looks beautiful. Sun kissed and glowing, her long black hair sweeping her shoulders gracefully, she looks amazing in her black and gold graduation gown. I don't feel nearly as great in mine, it's itchy, hot and overall uncomfortable. I gotta say my makeup looks nice though. "Are you going to take yours off or keep it on? I mean since we've technically graduated... It doesn't seem right."

I laugh, "Yeah, i'm taking mine off."

"Thank god." She reaches around and unzips the back of hers and drops it to the floor revealing a tight v-cut black dress. She helps me out of mine, i'm feeling particularily clumsy today. I look in the full length mirror on her bedroom wall. I'm wearing a black silk dress that clings to my curves then flows outward to the floor, trailing behind me elegantly- it looks like a dress from out of a dream...

"Well are you ready?" I take a deep and nod, trying to calm my spasming nerves.

"Good." She knows i'm nervous about seeing Inuyasha so she doesn't say anything about it, just leads me to the door. We head out, the cool breeze rippling over our bodies, carressing our skin. I close my eyes.

"My parents are talking about sending me off to get married now." I tell her, information i've kept secret for quite some time.

"Really?" She looks at me curiously. "Do you know who to?" I shake my head.

"Some big-shot. They say he has a daughter and he's anxious to find a mother for her." I give her a smile, I adore children, one of my only "good-enough-for-everyone-else" traits.

"Does he stay around here?" I nod and indicate over to the east side.

"Well, maybe not here, but close enough. We could still see each other." She nods.

"Are you going to meet him soon?"

"No... Not until i move in. He knows who i am, though. My parents don't want to frighten me or anything. I think they're afraid i'll make trouble before i get there... But it's not like i'm interested in anyone..." My mind wanders to Inuyasha and by the look on Sangos face i can tell she knows.

"Are you going to marry him right away?"

"No, i'm supposedly staying there long enough for them to determine if the kid likes me enough, then it's to be decided if we actually get hitched or not."

"Oh." My heart begins to race, i can see the top of our tree over the others... I stop at the forest edge.

"I'm not sure if i can do this."

"C'mon Kagz, it's not a big deal." I take a deep breath and nod. She's right. We head in. I can feel the trees prescese like a person, it makes me smile.

"I don't know Miroku... I'm- what if she still hates me?" I halt and so does Sango. We quickly hide behind a bush and listen in.

"I wouldn't blame her. But what's the worse she can do?"

"That's true..." There's silence. "I'm going to propose to her, Miroku."

"Kagome?" My heart skips a beat.

"No Kikyo, stupid." And then it plunges.

"Oh, goodie. We all love Kikyo..." Miroku doesn't try to hide the sarcasm in his voice, but it doesn't matter- the thought of Inuyasha marrying Kikyo... Sango stands up and stomps into the clearing.

"Hey guys." They both murmur a hello to Sango, embarressed to be interupted. I follow behind her gingerly. I can't open my mouth to greet them so i nod at Miroku and ignore Inuyasha.

"Hey Kagome." Inuyasha whispers, i glance at him and smile politely.

"Hi." Then i turn back to Miroku and Sango. "So? What now?" Sango flashes me an irritated smile, i smile it off.

"Hold on." She goes to the other side of the tree with Miroku, leaving Inuyasha and me alone together. I step towards the tree, reaching out to feel the bark. Inuyasha clears his throat.

"So how've you been?" I shrug.

"Fine." I run my fingers over the grooves and try to keep all the memories at bay or risk crying in front of him.

"Anything new happening?" I can feel the irritation growing inside my brain, his voice is going to kill me.

"Nope."

"Wanna ta-"

"Look, Inuyasha, remember when i said i'd never forgive you? Well it's true. I haven't. I don't want to talk to you- heck, i didn't even want to come to this." My voice is harsh whisper that makes his ears lie flat. Tears are in my eyes but i ignore them, they don't matter.

Sango and Miroku return with a bottle of wine and four champagne glasses, each one carefully filled up and distributed by Miroku.

"Friends forever." We all whisper together, as was agreed upon meeting that first day in our childhood. Then we each take a swallow, the ember liquid trickling down our throats to bind the spell- i want to cough mine up.

"This was fun." I mumble, putting my glass down on a rock. "But i have to go- my parents and I have business to discuss."

"C'mon Kagz, it can't be that important." Miroku chides.

"It is she's going to get married-" Sango slaps a hand across her mouth and stares up at me apologetically i shrug it off.

"You're getting married?" Inuyasha asks me, his eyes wide with shock and- regret?

"Yeah, i am. So i have to go. Bye Sango, Miroku." I turn and walk away. There's nothing left to say, nothing that can fill the empty promises of a childhood memory...

*~*~*~*~*~*

Please R&R!!!


	2. Responsiblities

**Today**

"Kagome." I turn my head and glance at my mother, still very focused on the book in hand. "Kagome." I snap it shut and meet her gaze.

"Yes?"

"You're father and I have something to tell you." Her voice is trembling with excitement, it makes me smile.

"Okay."

"Well I'm too anxious to wait for you him so I'll just tell her." I raise my eyebrows, willing her to go on.

"You've been chosen! Out of all the bachelorettes!" I'm grinning, this is so great. I bet he's a wonderful, caring, amazing person. I mean isn't it obvious since he's gone through so much to find a mother for his child?

"When do I go to him?" The anticipation is making me jittery. She bites her lip a little nervously and looks down at her feet.

"Tomorrow."  
"_Tomorrow?!_" I take a breath to calm my racing heart. "Isn't that a little- hasty?"

"He wanted you to come as soon as possible. I'm sorry... Um, but he assured me that all of your stuff would be moved in tomorrow, as well. So it's not like you'll need to pack."

"Tomorrow..." She reaches out and grabs my hand.

"Tomorrow."

*-*

**"Tomorrow"**

"Mom, I'm nervous." I whisper, pulling my hair up in a pony tail and applying a little mascara.

"Don't be, darling, you look beautiful. He's going to adore you." I give her a thankful smile and finish my makeup. With a few more adjustments to my summer dress I'm ready to go. "I was going to drive you but it seems he's sent a car for you." My heart is beating painfully against my rib cage. So I'm going in alone...

I kiss her on the cheek and slide into the backseat of the limousine that has been sent to retrieve me. I've never felt more out of place in my life.

The ride isn't exceptionally long but it gives me time to imagine scenarios that would- not be in my favor. By the time we've stopped I'm shaking and have no idea what to expect. But out of all the things that would have ran through my mind not one of them would have been what laid out before not- Inuyasha's mansion.

"Kagome Higurashi?" A man captures my attention, one with similar white hair to Inuyashas and a sharp chiseled face.

"Um, yes?"

"I'm Lord Sesshomaru, your- soon to be husband." He says the words reluctantly and I wonder if I should be offended. Lord Sesshomaru... Inuyasha's brother. My heart stops and the world spins. My knees buckle underneath me and I head for the ground. Sesshomaru catches me before I make impact. He holds me to his chest like that for a moment, us just staring at each other in shock, faces almost touching- a scene fresh out of the cinema.

I straighten up and take a step back from him, smoothing out my dress, embarrassed.

"Sorry the heat-"

"Sesshomaru! Is this her-" Inuyasha freezes mid-stride. I smile at him as he clears his throat awkwardly. "Is this, um, her? The girl you're marrying?"

"Obviously, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru reaches out and touches my neck tenderly, a show that I'm his, I'm assuming. "Are you two acquainted?"

"You could call it that." I break in gracefully, smiling my cute, polite smile that has a tendency of winning everyone over. Sesshomaru glances between us, a trace of suspicion forming. I grab his hand and lead him towards the house. "I have someone to meet, don't I?" He nods and leads me, I notice he lets go of my hand as soon as we're out of Inuyasha's sight. I wonder what kind of marriage this one is going to turn out to be. I'm leaning towards loveless judging by his personality.

He leads me through the house and out the back door to the garden.

"Rin!" A head pops up behind the chives, a pretend cigarette dangling from her lips. I shake my head and laugh.

"Sesshomaru!" I look at him wonderingly, he doesn't meet my eyes. "Is this her?" He nods and smiles at the girls delight.

"Hi! I'm Rin, though you probably already knew that. I heard all mommies know everything about their kids." I nod enthusiastically.

"I'm Kagome." I give her my hand and let her shake it eagerly.

"You're going to be my mommy, right?"

"Oh, I sure hope so." She holds on tight to my hand and starts pulling.

"C'mon lets go play!" I glance at Sesshomaru, he's shaking his head.

"Not now, Rin. She has other things to do." With this he turns away, expecting me to follow. I kneel by the disappointed girl and kiss her forehead.

"I will soon. I promise." Then I hurry after her father. I can't forget that I'm not only going to be a mother, but a wife too- and a wife has responsibilities.... My stomach squirms. Responsibilities with Inuyasha's brother...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kind of short but I liked how it ended, so yeah... R&R Please! I need the feedback :)


	3. Inuyasha

"Kagome?"

"Huh?" I look up from the ramen I'm delicately shoving into my mouth, it's embarrassing eating in front of such a graceful man.

"Do you find Rin, odd?" I think about it for a moment then shrug.

"I find the fact that she calls you by your name a little- strange. But other than that, no. She's got the imagination of a normal little girl, as far as I can tell."

"But she's so persistant... Isn't it normal for them to be independant?" I shake my head, stiffling laughter.

"You've really never talked to someone about this before?" He clenches his teeth and shakes his head.

"I haven't had a wife in quite some time... I feel like... I can ask you things... I mean i know your not my wife yet, but um, soon." I tilt my head, smiling, i would have never expected Sesshomaru could be flustered, but here he is. I reach out and touch the back of his hand gingerly, i can see the muscles tense to draw away but he controls himself.

"Children need attention. Love and attention is what makes them grow." I glance out the window to check on little Rin, still playing between the chives and sunflowers- lost in her own world.

"I dont' know how to give that to her." I fight the urge to scratch my head.

"You'll learn. It just needs time."

"She's seven years old. I'm losing time."

"You have help now." He nods and stands up. I feel like there should be an affectionate moment between us but he just nods in my direction before leaving me, alone in an empty kitchen.

*-*

"Rin?"

"Yeah?" She's digging into the soil with her chubby fingers, ripping the earth from the ground.

"Why do you call your dad Sesshomaru?" She shrugs.

"I don't know. Everybody else does." I kiss her forehead.

"Well from now on i want you to call him dad, okay?" She nods obediently. "You wanna play tag?"

"Yes!"

"I'll give you a five second headstart, you better run fast!" She's gone, already around the mansion. I hurry fter her, laughing in exhiliration.

"Kagome." Inuyasha steps out in front of me and i'm forced to a halt.

"Uh Inuyasha? What do you want?" He touches my face, searchingly- i bat it away.

"You're marrying _him_?"

"It would seem that way Inuyasha." I'm growing irritated, I try pushing past him but he doesn't budge. "Look Rin is probably wondering where i-"

"He's so not your type." Inuyasha murmurs not even listening to me.

"How would you know what my type is?" He kind of looks at me like that's a joke. "You're not a type Inuyasha. I hate to tell you, but there are other men i'm interested in- like your brother."

"So you admit you're still interested in me?"

"No."

"But you did." I try to scoot around him, he holds me back.

"Let me go."

"Kagome, talk to me." I glare into his eyes, letting the anger build up and ferment in them.

"The day i lost interest in you, was the day that i learned you had no interest in me. I don't hold on to unrequited love stories, Inuyasha. I'm just not like that." With that i push past him, only for him to grab my hand and pull me back around.

"You don't mean that." There's hurt in his voice, on his face, all over his expression. I shrug at him kind of like how he shrugged at .

"What's the matter? You didn't care then. Why should you care now?"

"I-"

"Inuyasha?!" I laugh bitterly at the sound of her voice.

"Oh, better run along to Kikyo, Inuyasha." I start to go again but he restrains me.

"What?!"

"Will i see you again?"

"Well i'd assume since we're living in the same house!" My voice is shaking.

"Can i kiss you?" I slap him and walk away. The thought, the question, however, leaves my heart trembling with delight. In my mind i kiss him deeply and passionately, but i will not throw away my frure when he won't throw away his. I'm not mistress material. I have to be front row and center... And there's no way i could be with him. That seats already filled. But not with Sesshomaru... Maybe i can still be happy... maybe i can still find love...


	4. Giving Up Goods

"Kagome." I turn my head to watch Sesshomaru walk towards me, chest bared, muscles taut- I feel a little more than uncomfortable. "Why aren't you dressing?" He asks looking pointedly to the pajamas clutched in my hand. My cheeks flush. We're going to be _married _and I can't even undress in front of him...

"Um, oh... I just... yeah..." Aaaand I sound like a moron.

"The bathroom is open." I stifle a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." I hurry to the joint master bath and shut the door gently behind me. I stumble to the sink and turn on the water, splashing it in my face.

Have I gotten myself in too deep? I turn the faucets off and take a minute to just breathe. I glance up and shake my head- I don't know who the girl in the mirror is.

"Just a minute!" One more deep breath then I drop my clothes and slip on the silk night gown Sesshomaru had bought for me.

I open the door and step out, feeling his eyes on my bared skin, one blush fades into the next.

"Come lay with me." I fight the urge to run and instead slide onto the right side of the king sized bed, thankful for the Egyptian covers. He turns on his side to gaze at me, my stomach squirms under his stare. "Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been with a man before?" My throat closes and my heart stops- oh no. I try to push back the panic but it's suffocating.

"N-no." I hadn't had a reason to... I hadn't had- Inuyasha.

"Are you nervous?"

"Very." He reaches out and touches my cheek, trailing his fingertips over my neck and shoulder, I shiver.

"Don't be- I'll be gentle." He leans forward and presses his lips to mine, working against the immobile stone that his soon-to-be-wife has become. My mouth opens as I let his tongue inside to caress me, I lock the sickening feelings away and step out of my senses, I can do this- I can make them proud.

I let hormones control me as I help him remove his pants, kissing down his chest- he looks like a god- those rippling muscles...

"Kagome." I look up into his eyes and it's all over- I'm giving him something that I'm _not _getting back.

*-*

"Kagome!" I blink to consciousness, my vision focusing and unfocusing on a little girls face.

"RIN!" I bolt upright, grabbing at the blankets as they attempt to reveal my nakedness.

"Sessh- _daddy_ told me to come wake you up to have breakfast with him and Lord Inuyasha." Inuyasha...

"Ok, I'm awake, I'll be down in a minute." She nods, grinning and runs out. I slide to the edge of the bed and grimace, my body hurts. I sit there for a moment, waiting to feel different, to know something I didn't know before. But nothing's really changed except- I'm not a virgin. _I'm not a virgin. _I shiver. Oh my god. I gave it up. I hurry to the bathroom and put the toilet seat up just before I vomit. I lost it to _Sesshomaru_. I retch and another wave comes up. Inuyasha... I reach up numbly and flush the bile down the drain. I was supposed to lose it to _him_. How did everything go so wrong? I wish I knew.

*-*

Inuyasha is watching me. I spear another glob of egg with my fork and shove it in my mouth. Sesshomaru is watching me. I rip off a piece of toast with my teeth and chomp away. Kikyo's watching me- I fantasize about dumping my orange juice down her silky white robe, I keep my eyes on my food.

Sesshomaru clears his throat vibrations of disgust ring through me, churning my stomach.

"Kagome." I put my fork down and look up at him, smiling sweetly. _I am fine._

"Yes?"

"How are you feeling this morning?" My face burns as I shrug nonchalantly. Why would he ask in front of _them? _

"I'm great. I feel right at home here."

"Probably from all the time you spent here as a kid." Inuyasha interrupts, making it obvious he's listening to our conversation.

"You know that's not what I meant." !!!...!!! I want to disappear.

"_I feel fine._" I lie, Inuyasha is looking back and forth between us, blood draining from his face. Kikyo is snickering. I slip a little further in my seat. How .

"Are you sure? I could have the servants prepare you a bath." What is _wrong _with this man?!

"No, it's alright. I'm sure they have better things to do. Maybe I'll take one later."He shrugs and goes back to eating his omelette. I finish what's on my plate quickly.

"Excuse me." I whisper, standing up, grabbing my plate and going to the kitchen. I think I'm going to throw up again. I drop my plate in the sink and stand there, trying to get a grip. This place is proving to be too much for me.

"Kagome." I'm beginning to hate my name. I don't move as Inuyasha approaches though the urge to cry is rather strong. "Kagome." It's hardly a whisper tickling across my neck. His fingers touch my arm. I pull away, "_Kagome." _I close my eyes.

"Yeah."

"You slept with _him._"

"He's going to be my husband." The thought doesn't seem as appealing as it did just last night- last night... I push away the images.

"He doesn't have to be." I want to hit him. He's so selfish. He's going to propose to Kikyo and yet he expects me to stay single?

"No. But he's going to be." I turn to walk away but he grabs my hand.

"You could be with me." My heart's thundering in my ears- hope.

"You're not going to leave here." The doubt in my words are more obvious than I'd like.

"No, but that doesn't mean we couldn't be together." I pull out of his grip angrily.

"_Goodbye Inuyasha."_ Stupid, stupid boy. Stupid, stupid hope. Stupid, stupid me.


	5. Beating The Broken

Its been a month. I've been here a month. Sesshomaru takes me every night, Rin claims me every day. I can feel the stress trying to bury me.

Sesshomaru is losing interest in me, though he still has set our wedding date. He spoke of it to my parents last week. My mother's thrilled. I'm not.

It's pathetic what I've been reduced to. If it wasn't for Rin I'd have gone insane by now. I'm craving affection, something Sesshomaru has pulled completely away from me. He doesn't care. The sex is nothing to him, the kisses- empty. But I'm holding on. Eventually he'll care for me, right? After spending so many nights with someone you have to grow fond of them... I'm not reassured.

Inuyasha has been gone with Kikyo for the past few weeks. I have nothing to look forward to. When he comes back he'll be engaged.

I sit on the balcony ledge and stare out past the lawn, down into the city. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I want to go home.

I balance my body on the stone, feeling my poise and stability all the way through me. The danger of falling and smashing to the earth seems like a minimal threat, though I'm tilted slightly in that direction.

"Kagome." I jerk my head to the doorway too quickly, throwing everything off. I scream out as my body topples over the side. I see the ground rushing to meet me. Then I see nothing at all.

*-*

"Kagome." As always his voice commands me and to consciousness I march. I open my eyes weakly, only to look up at an unconcerned face. I groan as I try to sit up, he pushes me back down before I've gone too far. "Don't move- you're in no shape for it." I can feel something tight against my waist, reaching up to my chest, I throw the covers back. Most of my body is bandaged, I look to him, questioningly. "You've been unconscious for quite a few hours."

"What- what happened?" He shrugs, looking a little irritated.

"Inuyasha seemed to have startle you while you perched at a dangerous height." My stomach squirms. I don't know what's annoying him- that Inuyasha came to me or that I was up so high.

"What about these?" I motion to the gauze wrapped tightly to me.

"A few broken ribs- it could be worse." I nod, I believe it could have. "So now, you shall stay here until you recover, I don't want you to leave this bed." I glance around, taking in new surroundings.

"What is this?"

"You're resting room." I raise an eyebrow. The green and purple color scheme is quite relaxing.

"I can't not leave here." It's his turn to raise an eyebrow.

"I want you well before the wedding, that and you're with child." I choke on my breath- _with child?_ I can't be- how- how could this have happened? I'm with child- with _Sesshomaru_.

"How long before the wedding?" I ask, trying desperately to cling onto something solid in this ever changing world.

"A month and a half."

"I can't stay in this room for a month." I can already see that my arguing won't work with him.

"Yes, you will. After the wedding you will be restricted to a wheelchair- I won't risk my child to any of your foolishness." The words bite harder than the sting of a hand against bare flesh.

"What about Rin? Will I be allowed to see her?" The panic is back, replacing the stress and igniting my fear.

"She will be allowed to see you, not the other way around. As I said before you are on bed rest until the wedding, whether you find it necessary or not. A nurse will stay with you to assist you with your- needs. You shall not do anything without someone present." I grit my teeth and turn my head away from him, hiding the hateful tears. How could I have let this happen to myself? Where did it all go so wrong? I was supposed to be married to a smart, caring, amazing husband- not a monster. I bite my lip, holding back the screams.

"Anything else?"

"No I believe that is all." He stands from my bedside and smoothes out his robe, stooping over to kiss my forehead- as if he cares, "Rest well my darling." The words make my blood boil. I. Am. Not. Your. _Darling. _

*-*

"Kagz." My teeth grind at the sound of his voice. How dare he come here now. I slump down further and bury deeper under the covers, begging for sleep to consume. As always when you wish for it, it eludes me. I give up the act, knowing that he doesn't buy that I'm sleeping. If he had he'd have walked away. He sits at the side of my bed and grabs for my hand, I pull it out of his reach, not looking at him.

"Kagome... Please talk to me." He's so pleading... I stare straight ahead, as though he doesn't exist. It's his fault I'm in this predicament in the first place. If he'd have only listened to me all those years ago- if we had stayed together. If he could have just loved me then... The tears are back, ready to soil my pink cheeks. "Kagome..." He touches my face tenderly, I wish I could break down and cry, to spill all of my troubles onto him- but it doesn't work that way. He _doesn't love me._.. Like his brother.

"Please go, Inuyasha. I've already had too much for one day." My voice wavers and I spare a minute to worry it may break, if it were to crack my whole facade would be ruined and I would shatter and fall into the broken girl I've become. It stays taut, though however weak.

"I know... Which is why I'm here. I want to be here for you Kagz. I know what's- what's going on." I shake my head and I know for a fact he doesn't. He doesn't know all of it. He may have realized I've been condemned to this room for a month but that's not the worst of it- no, he doesn't know the whole truth. If he did- he wouldn't be here. I'd be alone, but then again, maybe that'd be for the best. One less pain to endure on a daily basis. One less heartache to acknowledge. One less reason to want to disappear...

***_***

**Please review, like I said on my other story; if I don't get feedback I may just stop writing. I need to know I'm writing for someone, not just wasting my time.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Chelsea**


	6. Lies For Love

"Kagome. Please." I cross my arms and do my best not to look at him, but those eyes... They bring tears to my own.

"My god, Inuyasha, what do you want from me?!" I fight the urge to apologize for my- mediocre blow-out. "You're with Kikyo- there's nothing I can give you without giving you everything. Don't you understand? Don't you get it? I can't _see you!" _The tears are running down my face before I know they're there.

"Hush, shh." He pulls me gently into his embrace and smooths my hair with his fingers. I can feel his lips on my head affectionately. "Kagz..." My body is trembling with sobs- I can't turn them off no matter how hard I try. "Kagome." He tilts my chin so that I'm looking up at him. "I think it's you that don't understand." I shake my head in confusion. How does that even make sense? It's pretty clear cut- he's proposing to Kikyo, the girl he's been in love with since freshman year. Where does that leave room for lack of understanding? "_Kagome, _It's not by choice I'm with Kikyo. She just knows things that would- ruin my family. She's threatened that if I don't marry her- well, I'm not sure what will happen but it won't be acceptable. My father has ordered I stay by her side and keep her content." He closes his eyes for a moment. "I tried to talk to you, to make you realize- but you never-" He sighs. My sobs have turned into soft hiccups. He stands up. "Can I- can I tell you something?" I nod slowly and watch him walk over to the curtained window, staring at the soft green velvet.

_"My gift is my song, and this one's for you..." _I'm a little taken back at his sudden musical side but I relax as he smiles at me, I raise my eyebrows, encouraging him to continue. _"And you can tell everybody, that this is your song... It may be quite simple but, now that it's done... I hope you don't mind- I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words... How wonderful life is, now you're in the world..." _He grins and pushes the curtains aside, allowing sunlight to spill onto the floor and illuminate the room. He comes and sits by my side, a grin splitting his face in two.

_"I sat on a roof and I kicked off the moss. Well some of these verses, well they, they've got me quite cross. Though the suns been kind, while I wrote this song-" _He stands up only to kneel by my side, gazing into my eyes, my stomach erupts in butterflies. _"It's for people like you that, keep it turned on... So excuse me for forgetting, but these things I do- you see I can't remember if they're green or they're blue! Anyway the thing is, what I really mean- yours are the sweetest eyes, I've ever seen!" _He stands and goes back by the window, peering down at some point of the yard- I wish he'd come back to me.

_"And you can tell everybody, this is your song! It may be quite simple but- now that it's done... I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words-" _He comes to my side then, to look upon me once more. _"How wonderful life is, now you're in the world..." _

"Inuyasha." We're both snapped out of our alternate reality by the visitor, Rin. My horror rises up in my throat but Inuyasha seems calm- of course he does.

"How does it sound Rin? Do you think she'll like it?" My stomach churns and I feel like hurling. _Her. _

"You need to leave." I growl at him, he turns pleading eyes upon me but I want nothing to do with them. _My song? _He can't ask Rin what she thinks of a song he has no intention of singing to Kikyo. Which means he will, at their wedding.

"Kagome-"

"Get out. I have some talking to do with _my daughter._"

"Kagome-"

"Rin, will you fetch your father and tell him Lord Inuyasha is giving his finance no rest?"

"Right away, Kagome."

"No- wait, I'm leaving." I nod as he walks out, my heart breaking in two. Rin climbs up on my lap and curls against my side, as gingerly as everyone else. I think their exaggerating my wounds.

"He's getting better." She announces, smiling, apparently pleased at the upcoming celebration.

"You've heard it before?" She nods.

"Yeah, I think he wrote it- um, well, I'm not sure. Not too long ago though. Right after he made the decision to propose I think. At least I'm sure that's what Sessh- daddy told me." I wrap an arm around her and close my eyes, pushing back tears. He sang me a song he wrote for Kikyo and I almost fell for it. I almost- I shake my head, no, never again. I'll never- no. I'll never fall for his tricks. I'll never look into his eyes with affection. I'll never admit my love for him again.

*-*

"Lady Kagome, Lord Sesshomaru wonders if you'll accept his audience?" I blink awake and frown at the woman standing before me. A blurred shape in the gloom of the room.

"Yes, erm, of course." I try to sit up but the pain is unusually strong today. My ribs pounding from the fall and from the beating of a broken heart. Sesshomaru enters shortly afterwards, and when I say shortly I mean I was almost back asleep by the time he arrived.

"How are you feeling?" No emotion in his voice, not a care.

"Great, actually, this is really not necessary." I motion to the bed and, well, the inability to leave this godforsaken room. He nods, accepting my lie.

"I thought I told you your opinion didn't matter on the- matter." I clutch the blankets in both hands, twisting them with my fingers to squash the urge to argue. No being calm will get me no where.

"Lord Sesshomaru, I can't stay here, I'll go insane. Let me go out- I'll stay in a wheelchair, I'll stay with supervision. Please I just- please." I sound pathetic, a pathetic voice for a pathetic woman.

"I'll take it under consideration. Until I've made my decision you will stay here. Until then I do not want to hear a word about the subject fall from your lips." I swallow hard and nod.

"Yes, dear." He lies beside me and kisses my neck, I close my eyes. His fingers trail up my body and I know what he wants and it makes my stomach lurch. I've had too much for today. I grab at excuses, my pain not being one he cares about. "Won't this hurt the baby?"

"Not in the least." Then he slips under the blanket, already deciding that he will have his way with me. There is no reasoning, no excuses. It is too late- and I've lost my body to him again- next it will be my mind.


End file.
